K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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