I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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