Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
