Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
