Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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