i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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