I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
