Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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