I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
