Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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