What a fucking waste of an outfit
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
