I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
