I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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