the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
