you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
