my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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