My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
