I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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