mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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