she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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