I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
