Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
