walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize