theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
