Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
