GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
