I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
