I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize