god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
