I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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