I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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