Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
