I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
