i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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