alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
