We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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