how can u be prego again
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
