Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
