Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
