The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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