I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
