I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
