You're my little dorito
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would ride that face into the sunset
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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