He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
