dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We have started to decorate penises.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
