Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
