Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
