I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
