If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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