When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
