I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
