sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
