Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
