okay pat passed out under dana's car
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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