i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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