oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the liver wants what the liver wants
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
