Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
