Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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