We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
two words...techno handjob
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize