Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
