I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
