duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
