Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
