every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
