I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
