Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
