even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
