She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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