I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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