Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
