someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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