so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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