I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
