Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
