he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We're too hungover to prance.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
