Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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