You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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