it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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