It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
