Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
