shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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