Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
