he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
