I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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