If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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