New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
