why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
