Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
