you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize