Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
