got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
