Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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