Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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