the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
