I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
