Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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