Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I deserve this hangover.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
