Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
