He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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