bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
