its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
