He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
