i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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