So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
