Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
