Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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